The Nuances of Marriage
Why are we in a haste to get married? Don’t we realize that marriage is deep? Probably the deepest thing we’ll get ourselves into?
But first things first, I don’t hate marriage. Very far from it. I will get married. Infact, it seems God has made me experience so many things as preparation for it. Because why would the Holy Ghost instruct me to start buying major home appliances? Lol…that’s on a lighter note. It may not be anything really.
I just find one thing intriguing in my generation. It is this sudden craze to be paired with someone. I mean, it’s quite normal and expected. As a lady, I want to be loved and appreciated by a man. God put it in me, but exclusively for the man He has prepared for me as my husband.
But is that all there is to marriage? Waking up to see my husband’s handsome face, taking cute pictures, TikTok challenges, sharing personal stories on social media, experiencing love in its wildest form? Is that it? Because it seems that is what fuels the desire for marriage by many of my contemporaries. And me too (well, that was before).
Now, or rather, this year, my eyes have been opened to catch a glimpse of the real thing. Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is sweet. Marriage is convenient when God is the one in the driver’s seat. However, marriage is responsibility. And that responsibility is what many of us refuse to see. It is not a chore but an honourable pathway to God’s promise. And so, we should be careful not to rush headlong into the frenzy and bliss of feelings and emotions.
I ask myself, ‘Am I really built, do I have enough capacity?’
No one tells you about the sacrifices…
- Working 8–5 as a woman and still managing a home.
- The duty God bestows on you when He gives you children.
- Your deep thrust of faith each day to continue with your spouse.
- The warfare to refuse thoughts that Satan brings about your spouse.
- Total and unwavering commitment to God amidst your daily activities.
No, no one tells you that. Lol…these aren’t even sacrifices.
What we choose to see are declarations of love by couples on their WhatsApp status. And we love to see it. I love to see it. But as I mentioned earlier, I believe that God is building capacity in me. Men, this God loves me.
I’ve had some level of proximity with couples, and my oh my, marriage is sweet. Why? Because God is the center of their marriage. With all the responsibilities that come with it, they have been able to maneuver the rigamarole that Satan prepares in marriage. His aim, really, is to break homes. I told someone today that the cause of many problems in the world can be traced to broken homes. Once you tamper with the root, there’s no hope for the fruits.
So now, I’m not in a haste anymore, abeg. Marriage is a lottt (yes, extra emphasis on the lot). It’s not a training ground. It’s a practicing ground. As one of my pastors said, you don’t learn patience in marriage. You learn it before marriage so you can exercise it in marriage. That was very striking to me. This is the time to learn and acquire enduring substances for the gracious journey ahead.
Also, this period is probably the most time I’ll get to serve God in the church and ministry. Because when God gives me children, I may not have all the time and luxury I have now. Does it mean I will stop serving? Naah. Just that I have more responsibilities. I have never seen a nursing mother carry a camera during church service or leave her baby to wash the toilet in church. Does she want to? Yes. But can she? Not yet.
So yes, I want to use this time of singlehood very wisely. I keep crying to God that I need more capacity. I need more grace. I need more, more, more of Him. I want to go into marriage well-built to please God and to please my husband. I don’t want to be fickle, light, shallow, and filled with only feelings and emotions. Feelings and emotions will not sustain marriage. Food cannot sustain marriage. Beauty cannot sustain marriage. Only God can sustain a marriage. So use this time to get more of God, ‘Desola. Keep learning. Keep obeying. Keep the focus. Keep hope alive.
I hope that when you read this in some years’ time, married, your heart will be full of gratitude to God.
*plays Deeper water by Hillsong United*
